Overcoming The Odds
I believe that the concept of ‘overcoming the odds’ for women in 2018 has become so synonymous with our everyday life, we can sometimes forget the obstacles are still there for us in so many ways. Whether in our professional lives or personal, we face so many daily hurdles and become so adept at jumping over them that we forget to acknowledge how high we can now leap.
My entire military career was spent climbing metaphorical - and sometimes physical - mountains, often from within the context of ‘being a woman’:
Mastering flight in combat - not just ‘flying well, for a woman.’
Finding success under fire - not just ‘doing well, for a woman.’
Taking effective leadership of both the men & women that served under me - not just being ‘a good leader, for a woman.’
I can almost hear you nodding your head in agreement - perhaps you’ve heard these same phrases said about you, looking to frame your achievements through the lens of your gender. It would be amazing to think that terminology like this would be dead and buried in this day and age, but many of us still experience these subtle nuances in our lives that threaten to diminish our achievements, and downplay our successes.
Speaking from my own experience, I want you to hold close these three concepts in the hope they might bolster your confidence and keep you pushing forward, as I have:
You do not need permission to be proud of yourself.
As modern women, we’re sent A LOT of mixed messages:
Be confident, but not arrogant.
Be outspoken, but not bossy.
Be assertive, but not pushy.
And where in all of this is the magical line which distinguishes one from the other? We get so caught questioning on which side of these virtues we sit that we forget to genuinely celebrate the milestones when we achieve them.
So officially, you have my permission to be proud.
Look at how far you’ve come, celebrate the odds you’ve overcome to get there and don’t waste a second on what others may think. Instead, consider this approach:
Be confident, and kind.
Be outspoken, and kind.
Be assertive, and kind.
If everything you do is underpinned by the desire to treat others with respect, no one can take your successes away from you.
You can ‘have it all’ - just not all at once.
As women today, we are the beneficiaries of the odds that have been overcome before us - women’s right to vote, to personal agency, to professional recognition, and our ongoing fight for complete equality.
Many of us are told that we should seize the opportunities that have been so hard fought for, and so we find ourselves caught between two worlds with the expectation that we should be winning on all fronts.
We’re told to pursue stellar careers by those who had to sit on the sidelines.
Those before us tell us we should own our own homes, yet we should also leave the nest and stand on our own two feet.
Social media tells us our homes and lives should look amazing and perfect.
Science tells us to have children as young as we can (as if we needed reminding of that ticking clock in the background).
I’m here to cut through the noise and tell you this - just because you can have it all, but that doesn’t mean you should, and it definitely doesn’t mean all at once.
What is does mean is that you now have the latitude to be the best version of yourself - a career woman, a mother, a traveller, an investor. The odds have been already overcome where you now have permission to pursue these dreams. But choose your battles, and take each success one at a time.
Be your own Ally.
Often the advice we should take is the advice we give to others.
That insidious voice we all carry inside of ourselves - telling us we are not worthy of success - can sometimes seem too accurate to ignore, too loud to drown out. And when you’re tired and stretched thin, it can be all too hard for your logical mind to return fire - the odds may seem just too insurmountable.
So instead, take everything you are thinking and feeling, and imagine they are coming from your closest friend. What would you say to them? If they felt they weren’t good enough, that they couldn’t see the point anymore, they just didn’t have it in them - what would you say?
Without thinking, you would list a dozen reasons why they are more than worthy of success - they have great strength that you have seen countless times, and that you believe they can achieve anything they set their mind to!
Be your own ally.
Don’t let that voice win.
And don’t let the odds get you down.
